


Party of None, Shadow of War

by Ralte



Category: Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor (Video Games), The Loud House (Cartoon)
Genre: Absurd, Burning Weapons, Charge - Freeform, F/F, Flaming swords, Free Orcs, House Party, Mount Doom, Orcs, Party, Partying, Response, Rings, Sauron - Freeform, Team Charge, The One Ring - Freeform, War, War of the Ring, fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-24 03:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17696885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ralte/pseuds/Ralte
Summary: Then you throw ten crafty sisters out of their home they will charge you for that. The Party that is for none will soon be undone. (Unofficial alternate end to the Fanfic “Party of None” by SoI'llKillYou and a crossover with “Middle-earth: Shadow of War”.)





	Party of None, Shadow of War

**Author's Note:**

> **Read “Party of None” by SoI'llKillYou before reading this.  
>  Otherwise here is a spoilerific summary of the story:**
> 
> **Lincoln is angry because he always gets outvoted and because of other incidents from the show.  
>  He decides to go alone for a while, doing his own stuff without his sisters which also means he doesn’t help them with anything. The sisters get into more arguments and get less handled because of that.  
> He organizes a party in the Loud House but the sisters are not invited to it.  
> They get thrown out of their house by the two villains Hank and Hawk who are somehow stronger than the 10 sisters together.  
> They want back into their home at all costs but fail every time.  
> This starts shortly after the Parents come home but they only take Lily into the house, the remaining sisters still have to say outside **
> 
> **And for people who never played “Shadow of Mordor” and “Shadow of War” here a quick for those as well summary:  
>  A boring Ranger named Talion ritually murdered alongside his family by Sauron’s top lieutenants gets through that ritual possessed by Celebrimbor (and banished from death), a famous Smith who had created on Sauron’s commission the rings of power.  
> His family also was killed by Sauron so the Elf-Wraith and the Ranger team up to raise an army of Orcs to kill Sauron.  
> Celebrimbor has the ability to brand Orcs and brainwash them into obeying all his orders, that way they work for the the Bright Lord Celebrimbor and the Gravewalker Talion.  
> They fight crime, mostly Sauron’s crimes.**
> 
> **IMPORTANT:  
>  This is NOT meant as a critique or an insult of the Author as a person, this is ONLY a critique of the story “Party of None”.  
> If you like “Party of None” think twice if you want to read this critique in the shape of a fanfiction.**
> 
> **Furthermore I want to thank ultrablud2 for proof-reading this story.**

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_Sometimes, absurd means are necessary to reach your goal._  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lori’s wisdom was at an end. Her brother had occupied the house of the Loud family with his party and allied himself with two bullies who somehow managed to ruin Halloween for all of 1216 Franklin Avenue.  
They only had managed to do so much damage because the sisters were distracted by some llamas. The point is that Hank & Hawk were really bad people.  
People Lincoln hired to throw his sisters out of their home for a party they had not been invited to.

Not inviting them to the party was his right, but banishing from their home as long as said party was swinging was something they wouldn’t take lying down.

Now all of them were sitting in Vanzilla, grumbling, moaning and slowly entering a state of apathy. Even the law and their parents didn’t let them back into the house and instead partied with the rest of Lincoln’s and THEIR supposed friends.  
It was over.

“My people I share a lot of DNA with,” announced Lisa from the backseat she was occupying with Lucy and the twins. “Our gothic sibling and I have found a possible solution to our predicament.”

“Did you combine science and magic to lead us to another universe?” asked Lynn teasingly.

“Affirmative,” answered Lisa without any irony.

Thinking the two were joking, Lynn turned around to them. “Listen, it is nice that somebody else besides Luan tries to joke around, but you… you… guys… You actually did it.”

Now everybody turned to Lisa and Lucy. Between them was an oval shaped object of steel with magical runic symbols engraved on it and inside the oval was a portal, a glowing green and black tunnel to another universe.

“How did you create this?” asked Lori, dumbfounded by her sister’s craftsmanship which was more exceptional than usual today.

“I used parts of dad’s car and some spare stuff from my bunker,” explained Lisa.

“My contributions and components in creating this portal that will take us to fantastical worlds beyond any imagination were some magical artifacts I bought on eBay and then hid in one of the coffins I buried in the garden,” explained Lucy with the smallest hint of excitement in her usual somber tone.

“You bought real magical artifacts on eBay?” asked Luna incredulously. “Not a scam? The real deal?”

“I was as surprised as you,” said Lucy with a shrug. “But that’s not the point. What’s important now is that we can go to another universe and get us some help to solve this problem. Magic, technology, we can get everything we want.”

“Like, we could get help from the Care Bears?” asked Leni.

“That might backfire on us,” theorized Luan. “They might care more about Lincoln than about us.”  
Silence.  
“What? Why are you looking at me like…. oh, I did a pun and…. dang it!”

This lead to genuine laughter from the other sisters.

“Wait, I think I have an idea,” Lori revealed to the others. “We only need…”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lincoln was dancing to the beat of “Safety Dance” with Clyde. A few of his guests thought an older song would be so much fun to dance to, but this one changed their mind quickly.

Lincoln couldn’t believe that his parents let him get away with throwing his sisters out. He had to let Lily in sure, but honestly she didn’t do anything wrong to him in the first place, but he hadn’t planned to play babysitter for her during the party either.

After the song finished, he checked his smartphone and noticed a new message from Lori on VisageBook.

_Would you be so kind and literally look out the window of my room?_

Lincoln already thought that his sisters had a new plan up their sleeves while climbing the stairs and entering Lori’s room. He checked the surroundings for any kind of trap or ambush they could have planned, but there was nothing. No hint that one of them was standing above, besides or under the window to jump on him.

He opened the window, suspecting they might try to appeal to his good and empathetic heart. Trying to say he was the best brother in the world and that they were scum for always outvoting them.

As he opened the window, he saw his sisters standing on the street in the darkness of the night in a vertical line before the house, holding red glow sticks.

“What now? Are you trying to hypnotize me with glow sticks?“

Then several more sticks were activated and illuminated several different beings between and many more behind the Loud females. A lot of beings.  
Beings with swords, clubs, maces, spears, axes, shields, polearms, crossbows and many more weapons.

Lincoln’s eyes widened from the shock, but even more so as he also noticed more details on the enemies. They were of many skin colors, but not just colors from humans. Green, white, grey, blue and brown.  
Standing between the sisters were the most unique and dangerous looking beings among the orcs Lincoln had ever seen.

“Uruk…. Uruk-hai… ORCS!”, he stammered in shock.

“I am unashamed to say that this little fort will be no challenge for us,” said Ghash the Unashamed, an orc greyish-green in color, with white hand marks all over his body, metallic piercings on the right side of his face and right arm and wielding axes in flames in his hands. “My ladies, this Overlord is the smallest Overlord I have ever seen.”

“A little orc can hide a sharp mind,” argued Kûga, the Strategist with a Polearm with the sharp end lubricated in green poison on his right side and a big iron shield on the left. “You told us that this one is dangerous, Golf Lord Lori.”

“He is not to be underestimated,” Lori confirmed again. “But I doubt he can counterattack this.”

“His clothes don’t look like much, but his skin looks healthy,” commented Ur-Edin, the Skinner, a blue-grey Olog that held a big cursed mace in his right hand. Aside from golden garments and finely crafted pieces of armor, his main attire was skin with human faces on it which also served as his mask adorned by four horns on the sides. Also he wore a necklace of Caragor-teeth. “Can I have it?”

“Like I said: Totes no more skinning people,” Leni reminded the big Marauder Olog. “I will help you make nice clothing in the future.”

“I can smell the meat from here,” proclaimed Ronk, the Man-Eater, a blue Uruk with blood on his face, beard and naked upper body, a bag with body parts around his belly, pauldrons made of Caragor faces, a helmet with a blue ponytail on the top, while other parts of his body were protected by leather and most striking, a large bone on flames in his right hand. “I can’t wait to put those tarks on my shambles and stews.”

“No man eating, man eater,” Lynn scolded the Uruk. “I know it is tempting, but we’ll get you better meat later. My dad’s meatballs are legendary”

“Our boys are ready to take this place,” a scary looking brown Uruk with many spears coated in poison announced. He wore a hoodie, his armor was enwrought with horrific looking material, including two skulls of animals as pauldrons and a skull with nails hammered into it on the front of the torso armor. “When we are finished with the occupiers of this house, they will never challenge the might of the Uruk-Hai and their Loud Lord Masters ever again.”

“Listen,” Luna took the word. “Overlords from the Tribes of Mystic, Warmonger, Marauder, Slaughter and Terror: Ready yourself.”

Lincoln could only watch in absolute terror as Lori drew a golf club from the bag on her back. It was on flames as well, somehow. Maybe one of the Orcs helped her. Lincoln didn’t care about that detail.  
This was going to get ugly, and any plan he had to avoid this was to gather the Fellowship of the Ring, the Riders of Rohan and an army of gondorian soldiers.  
Nothing of it he could provide in the next few minutes.

Lori pointed her flaming club of golf at the house and shouted with a powerful, commanding and slightly demonic tone (thanks to an app on her smartphone): “CHAAAAAAARGE!”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hank & Hawk were ignoring the noises before them, concentrating on their smartphone games instead. They thought that the brainy Loud probably had concocted some scheme in which they imitated the noise of a besieging army, probably with the help of some sound equipment modified by the little smartypants and the Rock Loud.

They looked up as the noises became louder and they felt like an explosion had hit the house.  
Before them, they saw an army of Uruk-hai running directly at them. 

“Hawk, do you think the Metal Loud managed to convince a bunch of cosplayers to help them get into the house?”

“I don’t know any conventions nearby Hank. Also, why should Luna be the one to recruit Orc-Cosplayers?”

“Hard Metal Rock often overlaps with the themes, clothing style, art and cover-art of fantasy, Hawk.”

“True, and Orcs would fit pretty well into the demonic image some bands like to give themselves, Hank.”

“Well, we are paid to keep anybody who isn’t on the guest list out of the house, so we should stop them, Hawk.”

“Right there with you Hank.”

Ronk hit Hank on his head with his bone, dodged an attack from Hawk and then swept his feet away. Losing the first line of defense, the other Leader orcs led their army into the house.  
They jumped through the windows, climbed up the walls to get into the windows on the first floor, infiltrated the house through the cellar, snuck in through the backdoor and just broke down the front entrance via the axes of the Shameless.

“Here’s Ghash!”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The House devolved into pure chaos in seconds. The guests were hunted through the rooms by troops of marauding, destroying and fighting Orcs.

Krûk threw a spear at the wall, embedding it. Sam ran straight into the shaft of the spear, going down from the sudden stop of her flight.

“Tark with the strange hair color, you can’t duck, your reflexes are pathetic and your clothes are also strange. The Rock Lord said you are spared, and we must take you alive. Anyone else will not!”

Sam couldn’t believe what she heard as the Orc shouted a battle scream and charged at the young rocker.

“I will wash your bodies with crystal clear mountain waters, dunk them into the finest oils, and then I will roll them over powders made by the most talented elven powder makers and finally massage them until your bodies are soft and relaxed… then you are ready to be stuffed and made into trophies for my home.”

This announcement from Ur-Edin made Rusty, Liam and Zach froze in terror. As Ur-Edin came closer, they fled in even more terror, not having a lot of interest in becoming fine arts of taxidermy at such a young age.

“Oh, this thing, this morsel looks so tasty,” said Ronk, the Man-Eater as he stood before a shaking Darcy. “I can’t wait to sink my teeth into this.”

Darcy took a few steps back until she bumped her back against a wall. She really didn’t like how this big Uruk was looking at her.

“The Smart Lord promised me and my tribe the best meat in her kingdom. Now I will take it.”

Darcy could do nothing as Ronk grabbed the roast beef sandwich in her hand and took it away from her.  
“Absolutely delicious, better than fine Graug meat,” was the culinary critique of the Orc with the flaming bone.

The Caragor riders were in the kitchen, their mounts devouring everything in the fridge. 

“Stop this right now. Nobody is allowed to eat that much at once,” Lynn Sr. scolded the Orcs.

Kûga, who was overseeing the Caragors raid the fridge, said in response: “We will be the victors and the Caragors deserve those spoils. Begone, you Tark!”

Kûga thrust his spear into Lynn Sr.  
He gasped in surprise as he was lifted into the air by his shirt. His body unharmed and was lifted over Kûga’s head and flown into the living room, crashing against the wall there.

“Don’t you dare hurt my husband, creation of Morgoth,” chastised Rita. “Only my kids are allowed to do that!”

She wanted to punch the Strategist as she was attacked from behind and pushed to the ground. She rolled quickly on her back and held an Uruk attacking her back with her feet.

This one looked pretty beaten up. A simple artificial leg made out of steel, similar to a peg-leg in design, a flaming spear in his hand and more in his quiver, his face hidden behind straps of iron bolted with nails to it, only the left eye and the mouth were still visible. A little patch underneath the right side of the face on the neck revealed the damage hidden by this gruesome looking mask. It was raw flesh and muscle tissue, not hidden by any skin anymore, that revealed the horrific truth about his entire head.

“That is Norsko, the Mad, one of the fiercest enemies of the Gravewalker,” Kûga explained. “He recruited him after he proved to be unkillable. Don’t think you have a chance against him.”

Norsko grunted and cackled, finishing with a murderous and insane scream as Rita pushed him away and got on her back, just to be grabbed by Norsko and thrown through the entire house and a shattered destroyed window.

And last but not least, Ghash was marching through the Loud House with a lampshade on his head, reading a Princess Pony book and proclaiming he wasn’t ashamed for reading it.  
Also, everybody who tried to make fun of him for that got a fist to the face.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Five minutes later, everything was over. Lincoln, Rita, Lynn Sr. and the many guests have been driven out of the house. Hank & Hawk had been put into little cages, hanging from the left and right sides of the Loud clan’s home. They looked rather nervous.

The ones driven away from the house were all gathered before it, now guarded by Orcs with shields from all sides.

Ghash appeared on the roof and made an annouchment.  
“Pay attention Tarks, here are the Golf Lord, the Fashion Lord, the Rock Lord, the Funny Lord, the Sports Lord, the Goth Lord, the Plumber Lord, the Princess Lord, the Smart Lord and the Poo Lord.”

The ten sisters appeared on the roof (with Lily in a baby carrier worn by Leni) and looked down on the defeated.

“Do you see this, Royal Woods?!” shouted Lori once again in this very special app-enhanced voice. “We, who had been thrown out of our house, reclaimed it from a brother who isn’t better than us and family and friends who suddenly decided to turn on us. But here we are. We recruited an army of mighty, experienced Orcs and took our home back from which we were thrown out unfairly just because Lincoln couldn’t throw his party elsewhere.  
Look at us, look at us Royal Woods! Look at the might of the Loud Lords!”

Lori rammed her golf club into the roof and from it came a wave which shocked all of Royal Woods, followed by a wall of light emanating from the club as well, encasing the house and shooting straight into the heavens.

Lori then looked down and smiled triumphantly.  
A smile that quickly vanished as she saw the murderous expression on the faces of her parents.  
“Ur-Edin, we have to fortify this house. NOW!”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, the Loud House was no longer occupied by the Uruks anymore. It was still fortified, but the Loud Lords had relocated into an Uruk fortress which the Orcs had built overnight with the help of Lisa’s technology, Lana’s good plumbing and the sheer terror from the Loud sisters’ parents who still were staring at them through all the walls of the fortress, which motivated the 9 females to work a lot harder and faster.

They had christened the new fortress “Angloud.”

Lincoln, Rita and Lynn Sr. had gotten their fortified house back after the construction of the fortress directly behind their house. Overlords were the 10 sisters, who were the reason it looked part golf course/telecommunications central with a Bobby Santiago statue, Fashion Central, Hard Metal Album Cover/Fireworks Display, Funny Land, Sports Parades, Graveyard/Dracula’s Castle. A complicated display of plumbing tubes and a wild reserve park, a Princess Wonderland, a high-tech center and a place made out of blankets.  
It was as confusing and insane as it was glorious and wonderful.

After a while of hiding in their new fortress, the Golf Lord decided to come to the battlements of the fortress to talk to their parents and Lincoln. She convinced the others that this was unavoidable on the long run so they came with her.

There they stood, flanked by their newly promoted Orc Warchiefs, formerly the assault leaders on the Loud House.

Rita started. “Young ladies-” 

“Young Lords,” corrected Ghash the mother. “I know it should be ladies but they said Lords sounds better.”

“I am a Lord AND a princess,” Lola corrected Ghash even further. “Remember that. Always call me both.”

“Yes, my Princess.”

“You are in so much trouble, I don’t even know where to begin!” shouted Lynn Sr. to his daughters. “You didn’t have the permission to raise an army, for that alone, every single one of you will receive an endless grounding.”

“Dude, we didn’t raise anything,” Luna defended herself and the others. “We found those blokes in Mordor feeling underappreciated by their tossers of masters. We made them the offer to help us in exchange for help with their puff of a society.”

“Killing each other, always trying to be the alpha, only preparing for war, hating every other’s races,” Leni counted the ways of the Orc in a sympathetic and tragic tone. “Only conflict, never peace. How can anyone live like that?”

“We promised them peace, order and cute animals,” explained Lana with pride. “A world where they don’t have to be ashamed of being something else than vicious killing machines.”

“I will make fantastic Rugby teams out of them,” promised Lynn Jr. “Boy, can they tackle. Did you see how one of the Ferals tackled Margo to the ground?”

“Your basketball teammate Paula posted it on social Media,” said Lincoln. “Afterwards she took out an Orc with her crutch.”

“That was cool,” said Lynn with a grin. “She really has the spirit.”

“The entire party is trending like mad,” remarked Lori as well. “Everyone was thrown out, but the majority seems to think that it was awesome. Literally a banging end to a fantastic party.”

“Doesn’t matter the fact that your intention was to ruin it,” accused Lincoln. “Or did you think an army of Uruks would lighten up the party?”

“Both were possible,” argued Luan, the “Funny” Lord. “If it had been more adult themed, we could have turned that party into an Orc-y!”  
She let out a laugh. “Get it?”

“I don’t,” asked Lola in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“We’ll tell you later,” Lori told her while casting an angry side glance on Luan. “About the party, yeah, I guess we overdid it a little.”

“”A little” is the understatement of the century, young lady,” Rita scoffed. “You better be glad that nobody got injured or even hurt in this stunt of yours or you would be all in REAL trouble.”

“It wouldn’t have come to this if we had been allowed to go to our rooms,” remarked Lola. “And don’t you DARE compare this situation to that idiotic bad luck incident.”

“It was Lisa’s stupid “Idiot Ball” invention that made us all stupid,” Lynn reminded everyone. “Even the part of me threatening Lincoln with breaking his legs.”

“For your sake, I hope that is true,” Lori, Luna, Lana and Lola mentioned sharply in unison.

Lisa adjusted her glasses, her eyes hidden by blinding light reflecting in them. “My invention operated parfit, but on Lincoln’s expense, and I am still deeply sorry for that.”

“I almost fainted on the beach in that damn suit,” grumbled Lincoln to himself, angrier at the suit than at Lisa. “But you still threw us out. Your Ur-Edin guy threw me into Mr. Grouse’s House through his open window and I landed on his bed. Do you know how grumpy he can be at 1:00 in the morning?”

“He was not bothered by the battle?” asked Luna in disbelief. 

“Very selective hearing in that case, I guess,” guessed Luan. “Anyway, we Loud Lords offer you this: forgive and forget for both sides in this conflict.”

“Are you serious?” asked Rita with a non-nonsense expression. “You guys invited the Uruk-hai into our house and onto our earth. This could have massive consequences.”

“Like, we’re already working on that,” explained Leni without a worry. “We realized those Orcs are from a point in time when Sauron lost his one ring. We totes sent some of our men out to get the one ring. We, like, know where it is right now.”

“Aside from that,” Lincoln raised his voice again. “I think we should solve our conflict now.”

“We got you an arsenal of enchanted weapons made by one of our smiths,” mentioned Lana, pointing at the two flaming swords Lincoln was holding right now to look more intimidating. “Aren’t they cool?”

“Lincoln, tell your sisters that flaming or otherwise enchanted weapons don’t make you happier than before.”

Lincoln looked deadpan at his mother. “You taught me to never lie, mom.”

“Forget it,” Rita reacted exasperated and annoyed. “I just want to have everything be sorted out one way or another.”

Lori took the word. “Then back to the original point: You didn’t invite us to your party Lincoln. That was reasonable. But you did in the house we live in and your solution to get us far away from that party was to throw us out.”

“And you hired the local meathead steroid abusing bullies who almost ruined All Hallows Eve to keep us out,” continued Lucy the critique. “You lost the moral high ground with that action.”

“Who do you call a meathead, Grave Loud!?” shouted Hank angrily at the young girl. Seconds later, he was freezing in fear from the threatening gaze Ghash, who was wearing a pink princess dress Leni had made one day, was giving him.

Lincoln rubbed his head in shame. “I guess I should have hired professionals without a criminal record.”

“We will stamp you into the ground,” promised Hawk before, he shrieked in shock and fell over in his cage as Krûk, along with his Caragor, jumped on his cage and growled at him. 

“You do nothing to Lincoln, Tark,” said the Terror Orc to Hawk.

“Y-Yes sir.”

“Otherwise we showed you that we can do without you,” Luan made clear. “I mean, look what we managed to organize without your help Lincoln. We don’t need you as much as you may have thought.”

Lincoln said nothing.

“Like we are able to get out of trouble on our own or help us each other in time of need,” explained Leni. “We totes got along before you were even born Lincoln, we are not as helpless without you as you may think.”

Lincoln said nothing a second time.

“We will not exculpate taking our home by force,” Lisa made abundantly clear. “We wanted the place of our birth back. If you had located your little shindig anywhere else, we would have been the ones in the wrong if we had tried to attend it against your volition, dear brother unit.”

Lincoln still said nothing.

“We will however say that we sorry that we ruined your party,” added Lori.

“We are sorry for ruining your party, Lincoln. And we want to apologize” the nine who could talk said in unison.  
Lily only said “Poo Poo”, which may or may not have meant the same.

Lincoln looked up and said: “I accept your apology.”  
After a few seconds and a deep breath, the white-haired boy added: “I want to apologize myself for throwing you guys out of your home.”

“And I am sorry for the mess I made on the toilet,” added Ronk. “Stomachs of Slaughter Tribe Orcs can produce legendary shrak.”

“I have seen worse,” assured Lynn Sr. calmly. “Like the time Lynn ate all those Burritos filled with Tacos.”

“Before we continue to talk about legendary shrak, I want to ask Lincoln something else,” Lori diverted attention half-sarcastically. “I want to know why Lincoln is so upset anytime we go to the mall.”

“Because you outvote me every time.”

“Not really,” argued Lisa. “I commit the protocol to paper and I recall several instances in which you were in the majority.”

“It is the mall, the freaking mall that ticks me off the most!” Lincoln burst out of nowhere. “Always you guys and the mall. Some of you are far away from the clichéd image of a girl that always wants to go to the mall, and yet you still do it!”

Leni tilted her head. “Ehm, like, because we all get the stuff we need there? We totes wonder why you never buy anything you need.”

Lincoln, taken aback, tried to come up with a counter-argument as to why he never bought anything for himself in the mall when the Loud kids voted to go there.  
He came up with nothing.  
“I am an idiot.”

“Never say that around a comedian,” Luan warned and gave a warm smile. “But I will let it slide this time.”

“We may need some more time so wounds can heal on both sides properly,” figured Leni. “But I would say that this was a good start.”

“These are no normal circumstances,” Rita stated the obvious. “I guess we can talk something out outside of the normal.”

“We can begin negotiations at any time, mother unit,” assured Lisa. “Just say the time, but we will do it at our place.”

“Can we do it in any part that doesn’t belong to Luan?” requested Lynn Sr. nervously. “I shiver at the thought of what pranks Luan was able to made with access to dangerous feudal weapons, magic and veteran warriors.”

“Except Luna, nobody even dared go in there,” Lori told her father. “So, sure, I suggest Leni’s part of the fortress.”

They agreed and parted in peace.

Yet they all had forgotten something.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Plumber Lord and the Princess Lord were in Mount Doom, playing “who-can-throw-rocks-the-farthest?” on the platform where Sauron once forged the one ring in the flames of this volcano.  
It was not the most exciting game, but just throwing stuff down the volcano wasn’t interesting anymore.

“One of the most evil places in Middle-Earth, and it is as boring as the storeroom of our school,” complained Lola. “Here is only the forging anvil on this platform and nothing else.”

“No cool weapons, forged from the flames of Doom,” Lana said in a disappointed tone. “Not even a little dagger.”

“Or gorgeous gems and jewelry.”

“Should we go back, Lola?”

“Guess so Lana. Maybe Ronk can make us a few Graug-Meatballs back in Ghâshgôr.”

The two turned to the exit just as a group of Orcs came in. They were led by Ronk and Norsko, the latter of whom carrying a cage on his back flanking him.

“Plumber Lord, Princess Lord, my lieges, I have fantastic news!” he announced.

“What’s the news, Slaughter Master?” asked Lana in a curious tone. “Did you discover a new recipe for roasted duck?”

Ronk shook his head, but his grin just grew wider. “No, we found “The One”, my ladies.”

“The One what,” asked Lola impatiently, wanting to get out of this hot mountain of doom. “Is it the one true original director’s cut of the “Justness Division” movie?”

“I am talking about “The one Ring”, Princess Lord,” Ronk cut to the chase with those words. “The one our old master made to rule over everybody in Arda.”

“Oh, marvelous,” was Lola’s happy reaction.

“What about Gollum?”

Norsko took the cage off his back and showed it to his masters. In it was the little, twisted, pitiful and corrupted form of Gollum, formerly Sméagol, fast asleep. 

“He fought like mad despite his small stature and weak body and ran away with the little ring. Your suggestion to use those shiny discs, the thing called “projector” with the so called “movies” about the cool Apes fighting the Tarks, surprisingly worked,” explained Ronk, showing the One Ring to the twins. “He especially liked the ape they called Caesar. He was so happy about seeing those movies he watched all three in one sitting and fell asleep afterwards.”

“Bring him to the nicest chambers of your fortress Ghâshgôr, Ronk,” ordered Lana. “We’ll take care of the Ring.”

Norsko stepped forward and took something out of his pockets. With a mad bellow, he presented something he had found. A little ring with inscriptions similar to the ones of the other ring, glowing in a mysterious blue color.

“What is this?” asked Lana, taking the ring. “Thanks, and good work Norsko. Seems to be another ring of power. But it isn’t like the others… this one looks new. How did you get this?”

Norsko explained that he got this Ring from Eltariel the Elf, and Assassin of Galadriel, through distracting her with erotic pictures of Sauron making out with a young Gandalf.  
He only screeched and screamed and Lana had to translate for the others as he gave the ring glowing in blue to the Plumber Lord.

“It is the one of the Bright Lord, Plumber Lord,” explained Ronk with some bitter disgust in his voice. “I remember it well. I saw it on his hand as he laid my hand on my face and forced me to serve him.”

Lola and Lana put her hands on the cheeks of the Lord. Not dominantly, but empathetically. Uruks are so abused by their bad masters, abused so they only knew violence and they had nothing else to give. The two stroked the big Orc, comforting him in his bad memory.

“Take the Ring, Loud Lords,” said the big lover of good flesh. He dropped the One Ring, this ordinary looking golden ring, into Lola’s hand. “It talked to me. Was able to get it here but I don’t know if I am able to throw it down into the magma.”

Ronk and Norsko along, with the grunts, left and the Loud twins were alone again.  
Alone with the two most important Rings of Power.

“Come on, sis, let’s chuck them into the flames. Time for a Ring Barbeque.”

But Lola just stared at the Ring.

“Lola?”

“Do you think I want to look like Gollum?!” Lola shouted at the ring. “Forget it. I can’t be the Princess of the Universe and look like I was sharked out by Voldemort.”

Lola, without any fanfare, dumped the Ring into the fire below.

Lana, slightly confused at what just happened, shrugged and threw the Ring of the Bright Lord after the Ring of Sauron.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You only have to wash the car. Lori and Leni’s chore will be to scrub the cellar floor.”

“This is a good offer dad. In regards to the food our Orcs ate we already replaced it.”

“With Caragor steaks, TONS of Caragor steaks,” commented Rita, sitting along with the others in Lori’s part of the fortresss “Angloud”. “And a few fruit salads with fruits I have never seen before.”

“Caragor is really tasty,” Lynn told her mother. “The Slaughter Tribe have excellent recipes for Caragor Shashlik.”

“Also about the damage to the roof, we… Wait, a second.”

Lori took out her smartphone, which was vibrating in a certain way to signal that it had an important message.

“It is from Lana. According to her, they destroyed not one but two Rings of Power and LOLA IS NOW THE QUEEN OF GONDOR?!”

“What?” asked Lincoln.”

“LANA IS THE HEAD OF THE KNIGHTS OF GONDOR AND THEIR SECRETARY OF DEFENSE?!”

“You can’t be for real, Honey, this is a joke, right?” asked Rita, sweating nervously.

“AND LOLA MADE NORSKO THE SECRETARY OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS?!?!?!”

“Yay…?” Lynn Sr. tried to sound encouraging.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Epilogue

 

Norsko would go on to become one of the greatest foreign politicians that were ever seen on Arda.  
He would go on to create and strengthen several relationships with the other nations of Middle-Earth.

The Loud Lords would go on to reorganize Mordor, introduce democracy similar to the democratic systems in the old world and be able to teach them a lot of useful abilities, including playing the coolest riffs, playing the funniest pranks and how to hide evidence in case the toilet was broken and had to be repaired with glue.

All would be good and just in Mordor from now on.  
In comparison to Royal Woods, that is, but that place is more difficult to fix.

The Loud sisters would accept a punishment for besieging and conquering the house of the Loud family.  
But the parents and Lincoln would in turn also be punished for their transgressions.

Hank & Hawk were released, but the Orcs had eaten their payment.

The party reached legendary status. Despite several of the guests being literally thrown out by the Uruks, nobody could say they had seen something like that before. It was better than a party petering out any day.

The Uruks, Captains, Warchiefs and Overlords under the Loud Lords would be the first to experience something no Orc had experienced under Morgoth or Sauron:  
Retirement.

All in all, it was a big happy ending for most people.

Except for Faramir, who was kicked in the balls by Queen Lola for what he would have done to Gollum.

_The End_

**Author's Note:**

> **Well. This is it. I opened the floodgates.  
>  The fandom will probably tear me apart but I just had this story in my system and I had to get it onto digital paper.**
> 
> **I am SO sick of Fanfictions which make Lincoln into Jesus II and make the sister into unlikeable assholes just to push him more into the position of being right.  
>  My wish to write against this kind of stories grew overtime more and more.  
> I am surprised that it is not a “No Such Luck” Fanfic that is my target, but even large parts of the Fandom are growing sick of those.**
> 
> **The fanfic “Party of None” itself has a writing style that is good to read but the story, motivations and morals have massive problems.  
>  I will not repeat them here, I think my main point was made clear in the story I wrote already.**
> 
> **I also want to mention the Orcs I gathered in “Shadow of War” who helped me and deserve something better as to become slaves of any asshole with a ring once again.  
>  I was rather unsatisfied with the ending of that game, which was part of the reason I wrote this as a Crossover with “Shadow of War”, to give the Uruks and especially the Orcs under my command a better ending.**
> 
> **All named Orcs in this story were recruited during my first play through of “Shadow of War”, they are not randomly selected names and titles.**
> 
> **As for “Shadow of War” canon:  
>  I hope my Warlords, Warchiefs and Captains have somehow survived the third rise of Sauron and the final battle and were able to start a better life afterwards.  
> \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**
> 
> **Ghash, the Unashamed Mystic Commander - Savage (Burning, LEGENDARY)  
>  Overlord of Nurn**
> 
> **Kûga the Strategist, Warmonger Tracker – Defender (Poison)  
>  Overlord of Cirith Ungol**
> 
> **Ur-Edin the Skinner, Marauder Commander – Olog-Hai (Cursed, EPIC)  
>  Overlord of Seregost**
> 
> **Ronk the Man-Eater, Slaughter Slayer – Warrior (Burning, EPIC)  
>  Overlord of Gorgoroth**
> 
> **Krûk the Corruptor, Terror Tracker - Hunter (Poison, LEGENDARY)  
>  Overlord of Lithlad.**
> 
> **Norsko the Mad, Outlaw Commander – Hunter (Burning, LEGENDARY)**
> 
> **Mightiest Nemesis. That guy drove me INSANE… After I drove him insane.  
>  He was driven Mad by me, became more powerful, killed me afterwards more than once as I tried to murder him, became Overlord of Cirith Ungol for a time and even defended successfully a siege from me and my army. Afterwards I gave him several spy Bodyguards who attacked him during my second siege and I was able to kill him. Returned later again and again, followed me into other regions and was killed by me and even once by one of my Captains but came back again and again with more wounds and replacement for bodypards, making him look more and more dangerous. I finally recruited him because death wasn’t stopping him.  
> My strongest enemy, my worst nightmare, my best Nemesis in “Shadow of War”.**
> 
> **Eat shrak Sauron, you have nothing on Norsko.**
> 
> **\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
>  And again: This is meant to be a critique of the story, NOT the Author of the story, SoI'llKillYou.  
> Please be civil with the reviews. Be as hard as you want in your critique, as long as it is constructive criticism.**
> 
> **This is all for now. I wish you all a good and healthy live and you will see more of my work soon enough.**


End file.
